You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
