if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
