i don't plan on having that self control this summer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
