I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
