I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
