God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
