someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
