omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
