I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
