my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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