how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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