god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
