did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
