i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
