idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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