when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
