I must be too annoying 4 u.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
