Swine flu is the new snow day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
