It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
