Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
