he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
