im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
