ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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