Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
