Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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