...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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