then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
