I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
