Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
