i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
