I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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