i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
