Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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