i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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