..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
