Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
