Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
