Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
