She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In America we eat man semen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
