Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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