i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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