naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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