oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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