umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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