Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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