somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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