You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
