Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
