God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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