I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
