I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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