when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
