She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
