Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
