Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
