I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This baby is an asshole
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
