I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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