fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
