literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
