Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
