i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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