SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
