ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
