i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
