One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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