I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
