I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
