Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
