i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
