I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
