Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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