i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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