he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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