the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Come on in and take your pants off
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