just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
