i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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