Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
