I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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